i was certain that i could remove my upper jaw with a spoon

two really accurate statements

1. 

2.

The Impossible Quiz

If you guys haven't tried this, I highly recommend it.

http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html

light leakage and misaligned frames

In the past year I've pretty much completely run out of poetic inspiration, so I've been dipping into a wide variety of sources looking for something else to put my energy into. Most recently, I combined my love of A Softer World, Philip Levine, and my Diana + camera, the result of which was a messy, vague photo-narrative with captions that--removed from their original context (My Father with Cigarette Twelve Years Before the Nazis Could Break His Heart by Levine)--utterly fail to cohere. Oh well. It's more productive than writing angry haiku to my absent muses.

Then there's this one, which has nothing to do with Levine, just my occasional desire to run away. Possibly join the circus. Or live with the wolves. (Emmie, I assume you'll be joining me for that.)

And lastly there is this lovely piece of melodrama, which I use try--and fail--to convince myself to quit smoking:

lololol

Esperanto Vocab Word of the Day

meretrico- prostitute

p.s. I will learn Esperanto. I will use it in everyday conversation. It will be highly amusing. The word of the Lord.

p.p.s. Why did y'all stop blogging after getting me addicted. You suck.

The School of Life

I really wanna go here. Anyone up for a trip to London?

Stolen Voices

I hope this little tid-bit of information is as utterly fascinating to you as it is to me.

Cymothoa exigua is a parasitic crustacean of the family Cymothoidae. It tends to be 3 to 4 cm long. This parasite attaches itself at the base of the spotted rose snapper's (Lutjanus guttatus) tongue, entering the fish's mouth through its gills. It then proceeds to extract blood through the claws on its front three pairs of legs. As the parasite grows, less and less blood reaches the tongue, and eventually the organ atrophies from lack of blood. The parasite then replaces the fish's tongue by attaching its own body to the muscles of the tongue stub. The fish is able to use the parasite just like a normal tongue. It appears that the parasite does not cause any other damage to the host fish.[1] Once C. exigua replaces the tongue, some feed on the host's blood and many others feed on fish mucus. They do not eat scraps of the fish's food.[2] This is the only known case of a parasite functionally replacing a host organ.

This is obviously a metaphor for some vast and vague theory about the human condition.

Most Relevant Message Ever To Reach Mankind

"sofa king we todd it" sucks my dick. "sofa king, we taught it" would be much better, a literary gem, a grammatically possible English sentence.

p.s. fuck gender bias and feminist extremest hypocracy.

better than Kanji

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

If I were to create my own logographic writing system, my name would be

yes, i have THAT much free time

Guess what I just found? A masterpiece that I created in the wee stoned hours of my Thanksgiving break and then totally forgot about. You guys are definitely going to mock me for this, but... look: we're supa-heroes!!!

Man or Liar?

What do you see?

My Fave Online Art Mags

Don't know if anyone besides me cares, but the 11th issue of Candy* Magazine is out and available for download. Actually, its been out for a while, but I didn't really notice until right now. Same goes for the 4th issue of NewSugar Magazine (you can download it here).

drawing by Taylor White

this reminds me of jeffree star's excellent pic:

and relatedly:

What Does It All Mean? NADA!!

So I just checked out Kelso's blog, and her collage of cool shit reminded me of this weird collage thing I made a while back:

I don't really know what this is about. I think I initially started with the idea of beautification in relation to Naziism, but...uh...clearly that theme was lost somewhere along the way.

Freudian Slipping All Over the Place

Long day. Long fucking day. I discovered that reading Flaubert's "Un Coeur Simple" in the original French is about 50 times more tedious than reading the English translation. Poutain! So anyway, in order to cheer myself up I did my usual routine: curled up in bed with a box of half-eaten chocolates and my iTunes crooning Apologies to The Queen Mary, and checked out the latest posts on Tiny Mixtapes. Despite the fact that the mixtape robots NEVER reply to any of my requests, they do frequently come up with some pretty excellent playlists. For example, they just came up with a list of Songs for Freudian Slips. I happen to be someone who frequently falls prey to the Freudian slip, so I'm pumped to listen to this mix. Especially since it includes Sigur Ros AND Bon Iver. This should be good!!

P.S. On a completely unrelated note, I found this picture among some saved nonsense on my computer, and thought it was a good response to Emmie's post from yesterday:

and while we're on the topic of aliens

and the award for weirdest b-day card goes to...

I just came across this card I made for my dad a few years ago, and I thought it warranted a blog post.

Now THAT'S my idea of happiness

So long Tinkerbell, hello scary sexy pill-popping winged heroin junkie. While Detroit artist Glenn Barr's work consistently intrigues me, this sculpture is definitely my new fave. It's a work-in-progress based off of one of his paintings, and it's titled, much to my delight, "Happiness". YAY!! Glenn, keep this shit coming.

FINAL DESTINATION!!!

Welcome to Naked Zombie Recruitment. Take a seat. Relax. Let's all be dead-ish together.